FWAW Ep 7, 6 and 8: Nuclear fallout and parental meddling

Farmer Benjamin and Hannah, event planner, went on a one-on-one date. They were pretty smitten, but a handbrake was applied when Benjamin asked what her ideal holiday is. Note for future ladies: this is a trick question. You’re ‘ideal holiday’ should be ‘working on the farm’. Photo: Channel 7 Photo by Channel 7

Things are moving fast on Farmer Wants A Wife.

We start our three-episode recap with the 24-hour, one-on-one dates for each farmer.

Will picked Madi, legal assistant, for a spa mud bath (Tourism New Zealand will be in contact for plagiarism).

Harry picked Romi, retail manager, for a mountain bike ride (she didn’t know how to ride a bike).

Ben picked Lauren, Mooroopna vet nurse, and they went up a creek with one paddle each.

Paige picked no one.

“I’ve made the decision to send both boys home,” she informed the host. This wasn’t too much of a surprise.

The lads were told last episode to get crackin’ or get packin’ — and Paige made the decision to send them back to the big smoke (with no monetary compensation for their labor on the farm — nicely played).

After the dates, the farmers were sent back to the white house where Samantha Armytage proceeded to sabotage everything.

The farmers all met two new lads/ladies and they were allowed to pick one to take home.

Paige was allowed to take both her new lads home. Lad 1 is an underground driller so he was just happy to be breathing fresh air. Lad 2 was a Sydney builder off a cattle farm in Central Queensland.

His goal is to land back on the family farm.

“It’s hard to find people who want to go back to agriculture, as you know,” he said, prompting a tip of the ol’ hat from Paige.

We might just wrap it up here. He’s such a frontrunner he looks like a lone runner.

Our most dramatic moment of episode seven was when Holly asked Farmer Will what AFL team he backed.

“Is this a make or break?”

“Yes. It’s a deal breaker.”

A dramatic pause ensued and the editor put in a scary sound effect.

“Richmond,” Will answered with a bit of nerves.

“Oh thank God, I thought you were going to say the Pies.”

“Oh no way.”

“Your teeth are too gorgeous to be a Pie.”

It’s great to have a genuinely funny girl back on the show. Praise God, Will chose to take her to the farm.

“Compliments to the chef. his mum? If you’re watching? Shout outs to you, you’ve done well, he’s beautiful,” Holly told the camera.

Benjamin with a Swedish chick from Stockholm (Madelene, 33). He ended up picking her because he couldn’t ignore how ‘groovy’ her energetic personality was.

It was the calm before the atomic storm.

Most of episode eight was dedicated to capturing the nuclear fallout as the new ladies were brought home. Pecking orders were disturbed and no-one was happy — especially Tess.

Tess did the verbal equivalent of waving a red-hot branding iron near the skin, knocking the rose-coloured glasses right off Harry’s face.

Farmer Ben gave us the best quote of the episode: “I am very much in another pickle. I seem to be living on a pickle farm not a dairy farm at the moment. I’m really confused.”

A pickle is a good word for it. Out on the verandah, Ben was already talking about moving in with his frontrunner Leish, so it’s safe to say the others had a snowball’s chance in hell.

Mooroopna vet nurse Lauren wisely saw the writing in the sky and decided to gracefully excuse herself from Ben’s pickle farm.

On Paige’s farm, we had a make or break moment when she introduced the boys to the horses.

Lad 1 definitely felt the predator eyeballs land on him when he walked out with handfuls of hay.

“Back in my home of Orange, it’s rural but it’s still sort of city,” Lad 1/Cody said.

“We don’t have things running around, trying to bite me and chase me. It’s — different.”

I’ll cut right to the chase. I know you’re all interested to hear how the family visits went.

Harry’s mother gave us a very sharp observation.

“As soon as I walked in today and saw Harry and the girls, Bronte was the girl I thought, ‘yeah, she’s Harry’s cup of tea’,” she said.

Ben’s parents didn’t beat around the bush. They asked each girl about their jobs and how they’d feel taking on a toddler as a step-daughter.

The families got to pick the last one-on-one date for the entire show.

Several people broke out in sweat.

Harry’s family decided to send him off with Bronte, insurance claims specialist, 27.

Benjamin’s family picked Erin, flower farmer, 32.

Will’s family picked Jess, dental nurse, 26, who’s been hanging on the fringes for several episodes now.

Paige’s family went with Cody, the underground driller, 27.

Ben’s parents chose Leish (the frontrunner), which ended up sending girls off in tears as they felt another brick being placed on the wall between them and Ben.

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